This might sound like a Tom Clancy novel or some shitty Steven Segal movie, but this is how it actually happened.
The day you took office, a dude in a military uniform walked into the Capitol with Barack Obama, who was still officially President of the United States. He was carrying a leather-bound aluminum briefcase holding the codes and equipment needed to launch nuclear war. They call it the “football”.
At exactly 12 pm, control of that briefcase was transferred to literally the last person on Earth who should ever have access to it.
I can only imagine Barack Obama holding on to the handle as you tried to pull it from his hands.
And I probably shouldn’t even be telling you this, but getting your hands on that football also gave you complete authority to launch the 7,000+ nuclear weapons in the US arsenal. So if you like get really bored one night and decide to drop one, NO ONE would be able to stop you. Not Congress. Not the military. Not even Ivanka.
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