Finland isn't as worried as it should be

So, the Finnish government published a policy report on defense issues.

Kirjoittaja on New Yorkissa varttunut ja Helsingissä naisistunut copywriter.

So, the Finnish government published a policy report on defense issues on Thursday. It’s like 37 pages long and it uses some pretty big words, so you probably won’t want to read the whole thing. So here’s the “for dummies” version.

Various members of the government keep playing this down, but the report clearly says that the biggest threat to Finland’s security is.… Can you guess? Ok, I’ll give you a hint: He’s 64 years-old and loves plastic surgery. No, Donald… it’s not Mickey Rourke. OK, one more hint: You’re closer to him than you are to your proctologist. Ding, ding, ding! You got it.

So Putin is the problem. And these are the answers:

– Boosting Finland’s Defense Forces from 230,000 to 280,000 with gung ho (and gun ho, I guess) volunteers looking to kick some serious ass.

– Buying new gear, including those discounted fighter planes I mentioned in my last letter.

– Strengthening defense cooperation with Sweden. Ok, cool, as long as there’s no hockey involved that should work. Both parties support things like joint training and sharing information and snus, but it’s unclear whether Sweden would actually have our backs if and when the shit really hits the fan. But whatever… I know you’re not interested in details like that, so let’s just move on.


The report talks about how NATO is dedicated to defending the territory of its members and how it’s boosting its military readiness in the Baltics and elsewhere. Uh-huh.

It also says that Russia wants to challenge NATO’s ability to defend that territory should a military crisis flare up. Yeah, that’s a problem.

But there’s actually a much bigger problem than that.

The Finnish government’s policy report on defense issues doesn’t say ONE SINGLE WORD about the biggest threat today not only to peace and security in the US but the whole world: YOU!!! I mean, seriously, WTF guys?!?

Yes, Russia is a threat. But it’s an even bigger f***ing threat that president of the United States is essentially Russia’s bitch.

You’ve said that NATO is “obsolete”. And everyone can see that you value enemies more than friends. NATO is worried. And they should be. We’re not even in NATO and we SHOULD be worried, too.

On Friday president Sauli Niinistö met with US secretary of defense James Mattis. Niinistö said they talked about Finland’s relationship with Russia. And that Mattis assured him that Europe has nothing to worry about, especially when it comes to NATO.

LOL… yeah… sure.

It’s like Helen Keller once said: “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.”