Is Donald Trump really as stupid as he looks?
I’ve been living in Finland for over 25 years. Last night my phone rang. It was my aunt in New York.
Her: “Hi! How are things in Norway?”
Me: ….Um… Norway is great, as far as I know.
I didn’t even bother to correct her. I mean, Finland, Norway… who cares, right? They’re both cold, both have lots of blond people who like to drink, and – most importantly – they’re both not America.
In her defense, most Americans are completely incapable of identifying the countries on a world map. Including you. Of course, most Americans also aren’t the president of the United States.
People here in Finland keep asking me if you’re actually as stupid as you seem. I can answer that in two words: Um, yeah.
It’s hard for people outside the U.S. to understand that the president of the United States’ understanding of basic geography is right around the level of Mona from Au pairit Kanadassa. But it is.
We’ve seen evidence of this many times, of course. Most recently last week, when you were eating that fantastic piece of chocolate cake with Chinese president Xi Jinping as you dropped 59 Tomahawk missiles on Iraq… no wait… Syria? Yeah, I think it was Syria.
And then there was the time you said “Belgium is a beautiful city.” True. Belgium is a fantastic city, although not everyone speaks American.
And that time you told Paris, Germany they better “GET SMART!” Oh God, the irony!!!!
And hey, how about when you said in a TV interview that Putin wouldn’t invade Ukraine… aaaaafter he already had. Lucky for you, 84% of Americans don’t even know or care where Ukraine even is. Hey, if you’re not sure you can ask your buddy Putin. He’ll probably tell you it’s in Russia.
So obviously geography’s not really your thing. And some people have gone so far as to question whether you even know how to read. I’m not a special ed teacher or anything, but it doesn’t look good, Don.
It’s strange though, because while Stevie Wonder could see that you’re beyond stupid, you’re actually well educated. Very well educated, in fact.
Somehow you managed to get accepted to study business at The Wharton School, which is like one of the top business schools in the world. Your equally stupid press secretary, Sean Spicer, who recently tried to defend your bombing in Ira… sorry Syria… by saying that Hitler “never stooped” to using chemical weapons on “his own people” actually has a master’s degree (!!!) in national security and strategic studies from the Naval War College. Wow… they must be so proud. And even your ridiculously dumb senior advisor Kellyanne Conway made it through law school.
I mean seriously, WTF guys? How’s that even possible?
Long story short, it’s possible because the U.S. education system pretty much blows and many people actually make it through high school and even college without knowing how to read or do basic math.
I read an article recently about one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in New York. One of the key selling points was its fantastic schools.
“According to the city’s 2015-16 school quality snapshot, 80 percent met state standards in English and math, compared with 39 percent citywide for English, and 40 percent citywide for math.”
Ok, wait, so that means that on average, less than half of the kids in New York City schools are meeting even the national minimum standards for math and English. And that’s just New York.
Right now 32 million adults in the U.S. are functionally illiterate. And the fact that you managed to get elected proves that another 30 million might be literate, but they’re still terrifyingly stupid.
The day you took office, the columnist Andy Borowitz said:
“Say what you will about Trump, he is not stupid. He is a smart man with a deep understanding of what stupid people want.”
Andy is right that you understand what stupid people want. But he’s wrong about the other part. Understanding stupid people doesn’t make you smart, it just makes you one of them.
Anyway, greetings from Norway! And hey Donald, please, before you attack North Korea, at least ask someone to show you where it is on a map. All of us up here in NORTHern Europe are worried.
Lissu