Wake up, idiots

Kirjoittaja on New Yorkissa varttunut ja Helsingissä naisistunut copywriter.

Dear Mom,

Ok, I know, I know. The world as we know it is on the brink of destruction. If the Russians don’t get us, ISIS probably will. And it doesn’t really matter anyway since global warming is ultimately going to get everyone. But despite all the terrible things happening all over the globe, it’s still important to address problems closer to home. Like the fact that right now, in 2014, there are still a massive number of coffee places in Helsinki that don’t open until 10 am!!!! Where is the U.N. when we need them? Or Amnesty International? Or anybody!!!

I don’t give a shit how good your coffee is, if you’re too lazy to drag yourself out of bed and get to work before 10 am, I will NEVER EVER buy coffee from you. EVER! Because here’s a newsflash for you – if you go into the coffee business, your job is to be at work before everyone else is at work. Why? Because that’s when the majority of your customers want to drink coffee, you idiot!

And while I’m on the subject, if you own a pizza place or other restaurant where people might like to have dinner, you really should a) be open on Sundays when a lot of people want to eat out, and b) keep your kitchen open past like 8 pm. Why? See above, you idiot!!!!

A wise friend of mine recently blogged on the common misconception that Finns are good at making things but bad at selling them. His point is that the real problem is that Finns tend to (lazily) assume that it’s enough to provide a service that’s “good” and “well-made”. It’s not. Because, as I mentioned, if your door is locked at 8 am when I’m on my way to work and the only thing on my mind is a triple soy latte, your “good” coffee isn’t worth shit!

No matter what your business is, if you don’t care how what you do makes people feel, they won’t care either. And why should they?

Anyway, I now this might seem petty in the midst of all the “real” problems in the world today. But remember, a first world problem is still a problem! Now, I need a coffee.

Love, Lissu