There's a dog buried here

Kirjoittaja on New Yorkissa varttunut ja Helsingissä naisistunut copywriter.

Dear Mom,

So, last week my friend and I made one of the biggest mistakes any human being can make and decided to have Nepalese food for lunch. The spinach balls and exotic spices in the Saag Kofta are so good that your ass rips, but you’re already regretting all the carbs and grease by the time you’re stuffing that last pieces of naan bread into your mouth. But, you know what they say: There’s no use crying when the shit is already in your pants.

Anyway, after lunch, feeling and smelling like a Nepalese yak herder, I went back to my office and walked right into the middle of an argument. What my coworkers were arguing about isn’t really important, but it was obvious intervention was needed. So I said “Guys, let’s just raise the cat to the table and talk it out.” I really believe the world would be a better place if more people raised cats to tables, don’t you think?

Anyway, after work, Antti and I went to pick up the kids from nursery school. Not five minutes into the ride, a big stink cloud started moving from the car seat in the back to the front of the car. Given that the fart is the postman of shit, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what happened next.

Luckily, there was a parking spot right in front of the building. Unluckily, it was just about the size of our car. So Antti started parallel parking his way into the spot. I was seriously thinking that no baby or shit is going to come of this, but he did it!

I was so happy when we got home because a dress I ordered online had arrived in the mail. I tried it on and Antti and the kids said it suited me like a fist to the eye. They’re so sweet.

So there you have it – the short story of my long day. And what’s the moral? There are two. One, Finnish sayings include an astounding amount of shit. And two, it’s ok to use them in English conversation. And that’s the onion.