Mo money mo problems

Kirjoittaja on New Yorkissa varttunut ja Helsingissä naisistunut copywriter.

Dear Mom,

A few weeks ago my phone rang. It was my accountant. “Are you sitting down?,” she asked. This is a question you definitely don’t want to hear from either your doctor or your accountant.

Luckily I was sitting down, because she was calling to tell me that I owe the government a lot (I mean A LOT) of money in back taxes. “You worked too hard last year,” she said when I asked how this could have happened.

It’s true what they say:  You can’t get rich in Finland just by working hard. Unless you happen to be a drug dealer, a high-priced prostitute (no taxes), or the owner of lots of great stock or a successful company that someone else wants to buy, you’re basically doomed to eternal middle-classdom.

The only logical option I can think of is to invest in the lottery. I know my chances are small, but as the NY Lottery’s slogan goes: “Hey, you never know!”

I heard on some TV show that the one thing all lottery winners have in common is that they’ve always truly believed they’d win one day. I guess they’ve all downloaded The Secret, which for $2.99 will tell you how to harness the power of your thoughts and energy to “create the life of your dreams.” Now that’s $2.99 well spent.

Since the life of my dreams includes lots of cash, and since I pay my accountant €300 a month to tell me I’m working too hard, for the past few weeks I’ve been investing €60 a week in lottery tickets. So far so nothing, but if I truly believe one day I’ll win, it’s a small price to pay.

The biggest problem right now is that my husband and I have been fighting about how to handle ourselves when we do win. I plan on telling everyone I know and throwing a huge party. He says he’s going to divorce me if I tell anyone – even you. That’s ok with me. Once I’ve collected my millions I’ll just buy myself a new husband.

His point is that a sudden windfall is the fastest way to ruin your life. There would be lines of people in front of our new luxury home with their hands out, jealous friends and family members, and all sorts of problems.

Typical “glass-is-always-empty” Finn.

Unlike him, I can’t think of one single problem with winning millions. While it’s not everything, I believe money definitely does buy happiness. I’d travel, help friends and family, save for my kids, and take my accountant’s advice and work less. My glass wouldn’t just be full, it would be running over.

Anyway, it’s Saturday – lottery day – so in just a few hours my life might change. And it doesn’t really matter if it’s not tonight. As a future lottery winner, I know it will be someday.

Love Li$$u

P.S. Want to know what everyone who hasn’t ever won the lottery has in common? They’ve always truly believed they would win someday.