{"id":355,"date":"2015-01-14T18:55:38","date_gmt":"2015-01-14T16:55:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/suomenkuvalehti.fi\/kirjeita-aidille\/?p=355"},"modified":"2015-01-14T18:55:38","modified_gmt":"2015-01-14T16:55:38","slug":"read-youll-never-want-leave-bathroom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/suomenkuvalehti.fi\/kirjeita-aidille\/read-youll-never-want-leave-bathroom\/","title":{"rendered":"Read this and you\u2019ll never want to leave the bathroom again"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Dear Lissu,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, I know Christmas is over, but I just got a late gift in the mail. And it\u2019s a doozey. Let me start by reminding you how I\u2019ve always felt about Christmas. I believe that we all own too much crap. And Christmas is just another excuse to buy more crap, slap a big bow on it and give it so someone who doesn\u2019t need it and probably doesn\u2019t want it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I usually either give people something I\u2019ve baked or cash. Everyone loves baked goods and cash is always the right color and size. And when anyone asks what I want, my standard answer is \u201cIf I can\u2019t wipe my butt with it or eat it, I don\u2019t need it or want it.\u201d Most people have respected my wishes, and let\u2019s just say I haven\u2019t had to pay for a roll of toilet paper since about 1984.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway, I digress. And I can only imagine that you\u2019re on the edge of your seat (this is a pun, but more about that below) waiting to hear about this life-changing gift I received in the mail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps it\u2019s best expressed as a poem:\nRoses are red, violets are blue, now you can listen to iTunes while doing a poo.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s right, I\u2019m now the proud (and speechless) owner of a toilet paper holder that\u2019s also a wireless stereo speaker<\/a> for my smartphone. Perhaps you\u2019re not surprised by this, as I\u2019m sure it was developed by Nokia and this company is infringing on their patent. Hey, it wouldn\u2019t be the first time. <\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway, I have to admit it\u2019s a nice idea to be able to play music in the bath or shower. But from what I can gather, the main point of this thing is to be able to more effectively play with your phone while \u201cdropping the kids off at the pool\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And speaking of kids, yours can expect to be getting a \u201cspecial delivery\u201d in the mail soon: the iPotty<\/a>. I mean, why waste your valuable time potty training your kids when you can just plop (sorry, I couldn’t help myself) them down, turn on a Disney movie and let nature take its course? Get yourself the stereo toilet paper holder and your family will never have to leave the bathroom again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve got to go (…you had<\/em> to know this is how I would sign off),\nMom<\/p>\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Lissu, So, I know Christmas is over, but I just got a late gift in the mail. And it\u2019s a doozey. Let me start by reminding you how I\u2019ve always felt about Christmas. I believe that we all own too much crap. And Christmas is just another excuse to buy more crap,
\nsla…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":147,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"asauth_required_access_level":0,"asauth_cansharepaid":"true","om_header_attributes":[],"footnotes":"","om_featured_image_focal_point":[],"om_primary_tag":0,"om_contributors":[],"om_co_authors":[],"beyondwords_generate_audio":"","beyondwords_project_id":"","beyondwords_content_id":"","beyondwords_preview_token":"","beyondwords_player_content":"","beyondwords_player_style":"","beyondwords_language_code":"","beyondwords_language_id":"","beyondwords_title_voice_id":"","beyondwords_body_voice_id":"","beyondwords_summary_voice_id":"","beyondwords_error_message":"","beyondwords_disabled":"","beyondwords_delete_content":"","beyondwords_podcast_id":"","beyondwords_hash":"","publish_post_to_speechkit":"","speechkit_hash":"","speechkit_generate_audio":"","speechkit_project_id":"","speechkit_podcast_id":"","speechkit_error_message":"","speechkit_disabled":"","speechkit_access_key":"","speechkit_error":"","speechkit_info":"","speechkit_response":"","speechkit_retries":"","speechkit_status":"","speechkit_updated_at":"","_speechkit_link":"","_speechkit_text":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[246,249,247,245,248],"class_list":["post-355","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kirjeita-aidille","tag-crap","tag-gotta-go","tag-icarta2","tag-ipotty","tag-smartphone"],"om_views":null,"acf":{"tuuma_off":false,"tuuma_kysymys":"","tuuma_vastaus":""},"asauth":{"required_access_level":1,"share_token":"","is_paid":false},"yoast_head":"\nRead this and you\u2019ll never want to leave the bathroom again - Kirjeit\u00e4 \u00e4idille<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/suomenkuvalehti.fi\/kirjeita-aidille\/read-youll-never-want-leave-bathroom\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fi_FI\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Read this and you\u2019ll never want to leave the bathroom again - Kirjeit\u00e4 \u00e4idille\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dear Lissu, So, I know Christmas is over, but I just got a late gift in the mail. 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